Is he on the roof?

At the beginning of my marriage, I was not the most pleasant person when I would come home from work. I would walk into the home, see items in disarray and immediately begin to fuss. It would be a rare occasion that I would enter our home with pleasant words or even a simple hello. My words were focused on all the things that I felt should have been done, all the things that needed to get done, and why weren’t these things done to my satisfaction. Even when I would hug my husband or children hello, I was fussing at the same time.

Maybe this might sound familiar. Why is this living room such a mess? What have you been doing while I was gone? Do you plan on cleaning up sometime today? You did what? Why aren’t your chores completed? Am I suppose to do everything around here?

During that time, I didn’t realize what was going on. Fusssing had become my normal. I didn’t realize that I was creating a tense environment. My words and actions were not creating a loving environment for my husband and sons.

Gradually, the Holy Spirit began to deal with me and my actions. Then one day, began reading about the foolish woman in Proverbs.

• “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 21: 9
  
• “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” Proverbs 21: 19

• “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” Proverbs 25: 24

My God, what was I doing? I knew then that it was my responsibility as a wife and mother to make some changes. The more I continued down this path, then eventually my husband and sons were going to shut down and shut me out. This behavior was only going to result in marital issues and a relationship breakdown. Was I creating an environment in which my husband was excited about coming home to spend time with me or was I creating an environment I which my husband would rather be on the roof than in a house with a nagging woman?

So, some changes were in order. What is a nagging, quarrelsome wife or mother to do?

• Pray:
  “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” Proverbs 31: 30

• Guard your tongue:
  “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15: 1

• Submit:
  “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5: 22

• Choose wise actions:
  “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14: 1

Each day, I would make a conscious choice to enter my home with pleasant words and a kind heart. Over time, it became a part of me. I still have moments, when I have to rein in my tongue so that I do not overwhelm my spouse or children with my comments and commentary, but I am thankful that I have improved thus far. When I changed, then the environment of my home changed. You see, it doesn’t matter if you are a working woman or a stay at home mom, we each have a choice in the environment we create in our home. Ladies, we have a choice to build our houses in wisdom or we can run our husband to the roof.

Reflective points:

1. When I enter the home, how do I greet my spouse and children?
2. What can I do to use my words in a more loving way?
3. When my husband or children leave home, do they leave with words of encouragement or words of criticism?